Respectful Vigilance HC

Excellence over perfection. This is something a lot of people have issues with. The ironic thing is that many of us are striving for perfection in one area that we THINK is super important, while neglecting something else important that we may not have realized has value yet. I like to think of this in terms of grades in school. For some super high-grade places, sure, you may need perfect grades. That may say more about society than ourselves. But for most of us, getting a 95% A is great work. The 100% A+ is not needed. So why do so many of us develop perfectionistic tendencies and feel like we are not QUITE achieving what we should be. Here are a few things that I have noticed.

Kids naturally grow up eventually having to become more and more responsible. At the best intentions of parents, teachers, and peers we may be told to do better. Be better looking. Do better at school. Get to work. Clean up more. Be smarter. The list is pretty extensive. These things just get stricter upon adulthood. Finding romantic partners. Work stress. Managing things.

A note on trauma and adverse childhood experiences. There is a lot of research out there on the effects of trauma on the mental health of kids and eventually adults. Those that experienced trauma, especially at the hands of someone close to them or an expected caregiver tend to develop high degrees of perfectionism. It is an adaptation to try to make sure these types of things don’t happen again. However, unfortunately, if the trauma is not dealt with emotionally, these can create new negative patterns that people have to live with.

Next, add to this the corporate structures and media influences that prey on the insecurities of young people. There are certain things that you can just count on people wanting. People want to feel safe. They want to feel attractive or desirable. They want to feel successful. But look at the degree of high-level things we are exposed to now on television and social media. Professionals of all types at ultra-high levels of competition. Beautiful people everywhere. The problem with this is that by the time we reach adulthood, we are stuck often feeling inadequate, judged, and like we are not quite achieving the levels that we should be. This can lead to perfectionistic attitudes on whatever holds value to the individual. Perfectionistic attitudes also can be a contributing factor in a lot of health problems, relationship problems, etc. Is it really surprising that many of us develop these issues?

Now, the good news. Fortunately, there are actually many things that can help these problems. Before getting into this list, I would state that self-respect and self-love is the number one thing that you need to get over these types of issues.

1. You have to realize and understand deeply that perfect does not exist in the way that some of us have been trained to believe. There is not perfect health. There are no perfect relationships. There is no perfect job. There are excellent versions of these things, yes. When you can see that striving for excellence is better than aiming for perfect, it takes a whole lot of stress off. Another note is that there have been studies shown that the higher degree of achievement you desire; the harder it is to get there. For example, becoming a fairly good runner is achievable for many people. Becoming the best runner in the Olympics is another story. And think of what people that do this actually sacrifice. We always want to see the achievements, but usually high levels of focus in one area are going to lead to decreased performance in another. This goes with so many things.

2. You have to prioritize what you really want to value and honor. It is not bad to have high standards and values. In fact, it is very important. The problem is when the standards you place on yourself become unrealistically and unreasonably high. How important is it for you to be good looking? How important is it for you to be talented? To what degree?

3. Standards should align with “Natural Law” and not “Cultural Law.” Getting a bit into spiritual concepts here, but if we try to follow what corporate culture, media culture, social media culture tells us; there is no end! There will always be someone more talented, skilled, better looking, etc. Whatever you value, there will always be someone better. Even if somehow, you managed to achieve the highest level of anything; someone else will take you over soon. Much better to align with “Natural Law.” What does nature demand of you? What does nature expect of you? You may find that when you start thinking in these terms that your value system needs a lot of adjustment.

To summarize, I really like this saying, “Excellence over Perfection.” I cannot remember exactly when and where I heard this, but it stuck with me. It is awesome to have high standards and aim for achieving greatness. But not perfection folks. It is not real. There is no end. Values are very important here as well. Why are you trying to achieve these things? Does it have true value or is it just something that culture and society has told you that you should do.

So, aim for excellence, check your value systems to make sure you are not trying to do silly things that will not work, and remember to be good to yourself. If you are doing your best, then you deserve a bit of love and respect as well.

-JOE