Respectful Vigilance HC

There is a common theme that I have noticed in adult life. We get busy. We get responsibilities. We have problems to face. There are some things that we can change and other things that we cannot. This is just being an adult.

What can happen though, is that slowly but surely, we forget certain things. We might forget how to relax. How to play. How to be kind. The stresses can do things to us that we would not have chosen. So, the question in this article is this.

“What is underneath?” What are the core motivations for what you are doing. This is where you start to understand what is happening. The ego is a major factor that needs to be dealt with for many of us. If we are trying to attain superiority, high status in human society, or be above others; it will create much unnecessary stress and problems. Even still beyond that is what I wanted to talk a little bit about today. Respect, Love, and Feelings of safety, belonging, and goodness. Are these not things that we want deep down? We may have forgotten they are there. But they are. Who doesn’t want to feel good? Who doesn’t want to feel safe, respected, and honored for who we are? The problem is that there are realities of life that we must attend to as well. There are very real responsibilities and issues that we must deal with. So, the very complex trick here is to take care of that deep need for Love, Down time, Play, etc. while still taking care of our immediate needs. This is easy to write about. Not always easy to practice. Thinking about the way children naturally tend to be can teach us a lot about what we intrinsically want and need on that level. They just want to feel safe, loved, respected, have play time, and help out. Then the responsibilities come. However, there is a difference between real responsibilities and perceived responsibilities. For instance, having adequate food and shelter and breathing air are real needs. Having everybody you meet like you and think you are an awesome person is not a real need. It is perceived and desired. So, I have come up with a new version of Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs if you are familiar with that. This model has helped me to understand these things and how to deal with them. In my model, there are 3 levels.

1. Survival. These are our most immediate needs. Safety. Our need for Consumables such as food and drink. Having basic supplies. Shelter from certain natural elements. Sleeping.

2. Living Well. These are things that enhance and make things better. They are not quite as essential as level one and do not hit you as fast if you do not take care of them. So, these would be things like having down time to rest, eating high quality nutritious food, exercising, spending time in nature, having good relationships and social networks that you can rely on. Entertainment. Things like that.

3. Love and Spiritual Elements. This is level 3 and is at the top of my pyramid. These elements are not as immediate for survival as level 1 or even level 2. They do not hit us in the face as fast. Yet, without them what is Life? This level includes things like deep personal relationships, love, being kind to yourself and others, taking time to have a spiritual practice. Cultivating a respect for Life. There are often lack of words when speaking on such topics, but we know what they are. The element of Love is important.

So those are the 3 levels. The basic problem that I believe happens often is that we get so conditioned into thinking about and dealing with the first 2 levels that we do not take time to deal with the Love and Spiritual level. Of course, this can happen the other way around as well. Some people have great love but need to learn work ethic. For many of us though, we have great work ethic. We just do not quite understand or notice that we are not taking care of ourselves on this level. The problem is that each of the 3 levels is actually essential to well-being. So, what do we do?

I really like this model, because it shows where the fundamentals are and where the magic is. Survival mode and even Living well are the basic building blocks of physical Life. The 3rd level of Love and Spirituality are the building blocks of mental, emotional, and spiritual health. So, we need to build these elements together to have well-being. Take a look at where you may not be dealing with certain things. Maybe you need things like exercise, good nutrition, and stress relief. Maybe you need a meditation practice to help organize or better understand why certain things are happening.

So, the key thing to remember about this model is that each of the 3 levels are essential to a healthy life. The love element is just not as immediate for survival purposes. How many times do you hear stories of older people or people that have near death experiences that have regrets? Or they realize in the moment that they were not taking care of things that were truly important to them. Do not let Love and Spirituality slip out of your Life. They are important and deserve to be prioritized. A side effect of this is that other elements of life often improve as well because you have a better perspective or less stress going through the day.

To summarize, there are many elements of life to keep track of. It is very easy and understandable even to lose sight of love, emotions, play, and spirituality when the survival elements are hard. But yet, we need to remember that these are essential for a good life as well. You won’t regret it.

-Joe